I sit there watching the second hand of the clock tick around. The minutes seem to speed past as I try to focus on my work and can't.
12:01...
12:10....
12:30....
You are probably wondering what's on my mind. I'll tell you plain and simple: the love of my life in roughly 2 hours will be married to someone else.
*Knock knock*
"Come in" I sigh dejectedly. I look up to see Mary entering the room.
"You okay?" she asks me concernedly.
"Yes." I say a little sharply.
"Right that's it I'm fed up of your attitude today Ell. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Well I'm going to sit here until you tell me." she says sternly sitting down into the wooden chair opposite my desk.
"Well you'll be here a while then because there's nothing to tell."
"Fine."
I pick up the script for today's show and start to read it. As I read further down the page the words start to blur as tears form in my eyes. I drop the script back onto my desk and collapse into my chair allowing the uncontrollable sobs, I have been holding in, rip through me.
"Come here." Mary say's walking around the desk and taking me into her arms. After I have calmed down I notice Andy handing me some water. I take a sip placing the cup back onto my desk.
"What's wrong?" Mary asks me softly.
"Sh-she's marrying him today." I whisper.
"Oh my days. Why on earth are you here then?!" she exclaims at me.
"S-sorry?" I question her.
"Look Ell" she say's grabbing me by the shoulders. "The show will always go on. We can find a replacement for today but once you've let her slip away she's gone. You need to tell her how you feel because I know she feels the same. She's scared Ell and has been begging for you to help her. Don't let her down."
"I-I can't ruin her wedding."
"But what if it turns out to be the best thing you ever did? You owe it to both of you to find out." she says leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sit back in my chair as her words reverberate around my head. Within minutes I have made possibly the worst decision I might ever make. Grabbing my keys I head out of the door shouting to Mary that I am leaving. By the time I reach the church I am visibly shaking. I walk through the archway doors looking up the aisle. There she stands; a vision of beauty dressed in white. My knees go weak knowing that the dress she has on isn't for me. I am so entranced by her I almost forget why I am there. That is until the vicar asks if anyone has any objections. I feel time stand still and my heart start to beat uncontrollably in my chest.
"WAIT!" I shout barely recognizing my own voice through the desperation. I watch as a hundred faces turn swiftly around in their pews to face me. I look towards the only face that matters to me right at this minute.
"Ellen." she whispers softly.
"Look can I just talk to Portia somewhere please? Alone?" I plead with the vicar, her, anyone who will listen. I watch Portia lean over to Mark, the man she is about to marry, whisper something into his ear before turning to the vicar and excusing herself.
"If you could just excuse us a moment." she addresses the crowd who are now waiting with baited breath for any gossip they can get their hands on. I stand there not really knowing what to do when I suddenly find myself being pulled back down the aisle to the end of the church and into what seems like a broom cupboard.
"What are you doing here?"
"I-I"
"What Ell? You can't just barge into my wedding if you haven't got something important to say." she retorts as I hear the anger in her voice starting to rise. I take a minute looking at her not breaking our stare as I try to gain the confidence to come out with it.
"I fucking love you okay?" I shout back at her now. I can feel the spit foaming in my mouth as I shout. "I have since I met you. That day at that party I couldn't take my eyes off you. I haven't been able to since. And since I've got to know you I've fell more in love with you every day. You're beautiful Porsche. I-I just couldn't let you carry on without knowing how I feel. I will understand completely if you still want to marry-"I begin but before I can continue I can no longer move my lips. I feel soft caressed lips brushing against my own but before I can react they are no longer there.
"I''m sorry" she whispers turning to walk back out of the room. I feel a sudden surge of confidence rush through me as I pull her arm turning her back towards me before pressing her up against the door pushing my lips onto hers. I run my tongue along her bottom lip hoping she will grant me access. As soon as she does I am passionately battling with her for power. When we finally break apart we are both breathless.
"Shit." I hear shocking me a little as in the 2 years since i've known Portia I've never once heard her swear.
"What?"
"I don't know what to do." she whispers tears streaming from her eyes now as she sinks down to the floor leaning against the door.
"I'm sorry." I say sitting down next to her. "Look if you want me to leave I will. I'll never mention this again. I'll even leave you alone if that's what you need. Just tell me what you want."
"No that's the last thing I want. I-I love you too. I just-I'm not very good at this whole being gay thing. I've tried to hide it my whole life. Heck that's why I was stood at the altar five minutes ago with a man I barely even know."
"Wait what?"
"We're both gay Ell. We were marrying to cover it up. Did you not notice the lack of shock or horror when you burst in on our wedding?"
"Oh erm.."
"It's okay." she giggles a little. 'Gosh she's so cute when she giggles' I think to myself.
"So what happens now?"
"Oh I don't know." she says looking up to heavens as if they were going to give her the answer. We sit in silence for a few minutes before she turns towards me.
"You really love me?"
"Of course Portia I would never say it if I didn't mean it. I will spend the rest of my life proving it to you if I have to." I reply taking her hands in my own. She hesitates for a moment as I see the cogs turning over in her brain.
"Right fuck this let's get out of here." she say's grabbing me by the hand much like she did earlier only this time she drags me back into the church.
"Ladies and gentleman I have something to announce." she shouts above the chatter that is now echoing in the church. I watch as the faces turn back around and look in confusion as they see our hands interlinked.
"Stop" Mark shouts from the front of the church. I watch as he runs down to where we are standing. "If you are going to do this I'm doing it with you." he whispers.
"Right I'm sorry to waste all of your time today but there is something very important you need to know. I'm sorry to tell you like this Mom, Dad." she say's nodding towards her parents. "But I'm gay." I hear the echo of shock going through the hall so I grip Portia's hand a little tighter to let her know i'm still there. Once the chatter dies down a bit she continues to speak. "I know you are probably all a little shocked at this and wonder what we are doing here today if I knew this already but you see I didn't have the courage to tell you. I thought you might judge me, hate me even. That was until this woman beside me told me how she felt about me. I met her two years ago at a party. I know all of you know who she is but to me she's my Ellen. The one I can't spend a day without thinking about. The one I only dream to touch or kiss. Now to me regardless of gender surely I should be with her rather than living a pretend life with Mark. It was only when she told me how she felt that I found the courage to admit it to myself and all of you here today. I'm sorry it has taken so long and to waste your time but I can't go through with this wedding. Mom, Dad I know you probably have a million questions right now but I need some time first okay? I'm going to go home with Ellen for the night and come and speak to you tomorrow. I love you." she finishes and I feel myself once again being pulled for the exit. Once we are outside she grabs me by the waste pushing me against my car and shoving her tongue down my throat. I let out an involuntary moan.
"Well well well someone sounds horny." she says winking at me before rounding the car waiting for me to open the door. I fumble around for my keys having completely lost all of my senses. Once we are finally seated and on the way to my house I turn down the radio.
"Wow." I manage to squeeze out silently cursing myself for lack of words.
"Yeah I know. Was that a bad thing to do?" she says second guessing herself now.
"No Portia that was the bravest thing i've ever seen anyone do in my life. I am so proud of you." I say giving her leg a squeeze to reassure her.
"Thank you. I guess we will see what tomorrow brings but for tonight can we yaknow just pretend it's just us?"
"Of course."
"I love you Ell."
"I love you too Porsche and for the record I totally nearly chickened out today but I can categorically say that was the best decision of my life." I smile looking over the woman who I can now call my own.
